Monday, 6 December 2010

THE HOLIDAY PARTY By Chantelle Osman

Here's a little thought provoking humour/flash from Chantelle

I sat listening as the droning voice continued.  How much longer could she keep this up?  I looked around at the faces of her audience, but saw only rapt attention.  Either I was missing something, or these were the dumbest people ever to be accumulated in one room.  Maybe they had all mastered the art of sleeping with their eyes open?  I tuned the voice back in and tried to pay attention.  It was a valiant attempt that lasted approximately ten seconds—abandoned once I heard the words “that reminds me of when I was a child.” In the past two hours, I’d heard her whole life story—grocery lists included. My legs had gone numb, as had my brain.
The door leading to my escape loomed large in my peripheral vision, taunting me. I knew there was no escape.  I thought longingly of the DMV.  At least there I could have a book to read and a parade of people to watch, rather than counting my brain cells as they committed suicide one by one.  I thought of my grandmother, my dream trip to Paris, and baseball—but nothing helped.
The speaker took a sip of water, perhaps gearing up to conclude. No. She seemed content to spend her remaining days spewing nonsense.  I, however, was not. Slowly, my remaining limbs went numb.  I didn’t really try to fight it. The pain distracted me from the incessantly buzzing voice. Finally, my eyes lost their battle and fluttered closed.  As the cocktail party faded into a distant memory, I realized I had literally died of boredom.

Chantelle Aimée Osman is a published mystery author and one of the founding members of The Sirens of Suspense, a group of award winning authors who blog on all things writing and publishing In her other life, she own a script consultation company, and speaks to writing conferences nationwide.


  1. Very clever and you perfectly captured the way I feel at most work meetings I attend. Like this part especially.

    I thought longingly of the DMV.

  2. Nicely done, Chantelle. A unique and funny piece.

  3. How many millions have already been there.