Sunday, 11 October 2009

EVERYDAY PEOPLE - by Paul D. Brazill


For a man that needs no introduction...it's that Polish, Englishman who's absolutely Brazilliant!

EVERYDAY PEOPLE

Brendan Burke was a creature of narrow habit and come rain or come shine, come hell or high water he always ate meat on Fridays, even though, around the time of his seventieth birthday it had begun to play havoc with his digestion.

‘Rebellion,’ said Brendan to Tony Amerigo. ‘Rebellion against the shackles of my Catholic upbringing.’

‘Power to the people,’ said Tony, raising a clenched fist.

Tony had been a butcher since leaving school, as were his father and grandfather, but business hadn’t been so good since the influx of supermarkets selling cut price cuts of meat. Curmudgeons like Brendan were a godsend for Tony.

Brendan put the meat in his checked shopping bag and headed off.

‘Post office?’ said Tony.

‘As per usual,’ said Brendan. The social kept trying to convince him to have his pension paid into the bank but Brendan dug his heels in, stuck to his guns. He hated banks and enjoyed his trips to the post office, the centre of the local tittle tattle. ‘And then I’m off to the naval club, though I still don’t know if I’m an inny or an outty’.

He chuckled to himself and was still chuckling when a scooter jumped a light and knocked him arse over tit.

***

‘Jeezus, don’t send for her!’ said Brendan. Skye, the featherlight social worker, had suggested phoning his daughter in London and getting her to come and take care of him for a while. He’d barely been in the hospital a week, discharging himself after complaining about missing two sessions at the club.

‘She’s worse than her bloody mother was for fussin’ and fannyin' around,’said Brendan.

‘Well, you need a carer, Mr B,’ said Sky.

Brendan shook his head as he looked at her. She was sparkling and fresh, from somewhere down south. How could she have a clue about anything?

‘Do you know anyone?’ she asked.

Brendan just stared at her nose stud with disgust.

***

Oliver Sweet ducked into his flat as soon as he saw the social worker enter the building. He’d seen her before in the record shop where he hung around. She’d bought a Janis Ian CD and she’d tried to make conversation about it but it wasn’t exactly his cup of cocoa. Neither was small talk. Oliver was a bit of a mouse, who kept himself to himself, and it would surprise most people to know that he loved to listen to Sly Stone, Bootsy Collins and Funkadelic. These were what blew his skirt up. Along with taxidermy, collecting funk on vinyl was the centre of his life.

When Brendan moved into the flat opposite, Oliver was a bit worried that he’d complain about the noise but after talking to him a couple of times he relaxed . Brendan was as deaf as a post.

He was listening to Sly Stone and changing into his ASDA uniform when he heard the scream and the bang. He stuck his head out of the door and saw that Brendan’s door was was open. And then he heard coughing, choking.

‘Are you alright Mr Burke?’ he shouted. No reply.

He went to Burke’s door and knocked.

‘Mr Burke?’ said Oliver. He went into the flat, saw Brendan doubled over and ran towards him.

‘Are you alright?’

Brendan looked up with tears in his eyes. Tears of laughter.

‘Sorry...Sorry, Sweety,’ said Brendan. Oliver hated that nickname.

‘Couldn’t resist.’ He wheezed. ‘I just wanted her to piss off, so...’ he coughed. ‘So, I grabbed her knockers. The stuck up little cow soon scarpered then.’

‘So, you’re okay,’ said a blushing Oliver.

‘Aye,’ said Brendan. ‘Do us a favour and pass us that bottle of vodka from the mantelpiece and get two glasses from the kitchenette.

Oliver wasn’t much of a drinker but he thought he needed to clam down before heading of to work.

He poured the drinks.

‘A toast,’ said Brendan.

‘Na zdrowia, as Polish Andy used to say. To your health.’

Brendan downed the vodka in one and Oliver did the same but it burned like molten lava.

***

After a week or two it was decided that Oliver would be Brendan’s carer. He’d do the shopping, cash his pension and pop in now and again to keep an eye on him.

Oliver started to like drinking with Brendan and the carers’ allowance that he received meant that he could give up his job at ASDA. In fact all was tickety boo until Bonfire Night.

***

Tony Amerigo’s voice was like a dripping tap to Oliver and the woman at the Post office was even worse. Still, he endured and managed to pop in to the record shop before lunchtime to buy Parliament’s ‘Up for the down Stroke.’

‘Pricey stuff this,’ said John, the owner of the shop. ‘Been saving up your pennies, Sweety?’

Oliver ignored him and headed back home.

***

‘The Post Office was packed again,’ said Oliver to Brendan.

Brendan said nothing, of course. He’s said nothing since he’d broken his neck falling out of the bath on November 5th. Oliver still liked these evenings, though. Steak, vodka and a bit of Bootsy playing in the background. He glanced over at Brendan as he unpacked the rest of the shopping and thought that he really should have bought some more formaldehyde.


Bio:
Paul D. Brazill was born in Hartlepool, England and lives in Bydgoszcz, Poland. He has had stories in A Twist Of Noir, Six Sentences, Powder Burn Flash, Thrillers Killers n Chillers, Beat To A Pulp and other such classy joints. He can be found stalking
‘Paul D. Brazill, you would say that, wouldn’t you?’ at http://pdbrazill.blogspot.com/

24 comments:

  1. Laugh...? Ooh, yes!
    Then the end got me thinking...

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  2. Great piece...as usual, Paul.

    Regards, David.

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  3. Oh Wow! That ending! I had no idea where it was going, and kept waiting for the punch and then BOOM! Knocked me over. Great story, love the dialogue.

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  4. (snort!) - shame tho, I was beginning to like Brendan :-)

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  5. Paul, another blinding piece, had me in stitches.

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  6. Funky PDB. Great dialogue, characters and a cracking story – the ending knocked the stuffing out of me!

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  7. Ta much all. Nicole, I've a almost finished a WW2 story about Bren. He was a spiv. Of course.

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  8. I,I,I,I- love Everyday People.....yet another good one Paul! Harry

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  9. Apologies.
    Couple of typos got through - hope it didn't detract from your enjoyment. By the looks of the comments, it didn't!
    Thanks to hawk-eyed scribe-cum-editor, Lee Hughes, for pointing 'em out.

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  10. tickety boo? oh i love all the brazillianisms in this piece - arse over tit - americans can hold a candle to you guys. amazing how much stink goes away with nice vodka! top piece paulie!

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  11. Oooh -- I'll be looking for the WWII story about Bren, especially since I'm dying to know what a 'spiv' is (my slang is off these days!)!

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  12. Great story, Paul. Really wicked stuff. Love the characters!

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  13. Surprised me with tht ending Paul. Good story.

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  14. Love the tickety boo, love the ending, love it all. You're quickly becoming one of my favs, Paul.

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  15. I have to say that this story was unseemly, distasteful and degrading to the elderly.

    In other words, I loved it.

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  16. This was Brazilliant! Love the characters, and the dark twist - Na zdrowia indeed.

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  17. Well, you've got to make the money where you can...

    Very nice. Great flow, great characters and a whiz-bang ending! You should be very proud!

    Doc

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  18. I love when a story challenges a reader and you've succeeded in a big way. The final paragraph almost breezes over your head the first time and by the second time, "did he actually write that?" The third reading just provokes a devious smile.

    "He chuckled to himself and was still chuckling when a scooter jumped a light and knocked him arse over tit."

    I prefer this miles over "ass over tea kettle" and "tits up."

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  19. Excellent dialogue and a heck of an ending. Keep it up!

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  20. He's going to keep Brendan 'alive' forever it seems...Good story...I hope I never have a carer like that!

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