Sunday, 28 August 2011

BEST MATES AND LOVERS by David Barber

Look who's back... two years after his first ever published piece... he's my best mate, but not my lover!

Best Mates and Lovers


They were best mates.

So when a best mate shits on you from a dizzy height, it puts you in a similar position to the one Jimmy was in now: sat in his mate’s kitchen with his mate’s naked wife tied to a chair.

“I can’t believe Rob would do it,” Jimmy said to her.
 

There was no response: her balled up panties were stuffed in her mouth and secured by gaffer tape.  Make-up and tears smeared her face.

“What a twat! My best mate for years. I’ll fuckin’ kill him.”

Sobbing.

“You wouldn’t believe the shit we’ve done together: dealing, armed robbery, women. Holy shit, we double teamed more women than most men have had hot dinners.”

Jimmy took a big mouthful of Rob’s prized, single malt whisky.

“I’m sure he won’t mind me drinking this… seeing as I bought it for him.”

He pointed the gun at her face, pushing her nose to one side with the muzzle.  She tried to move but Jimmy forced the gun against her skin.

“You know, I should stick one up you right now. Fuck! I can’t believe he’s done it and right under our noses.”  Jimmy waved the gun at his own face and then hers.



The woman shook her head, mumbling something against the gag.


He hit the bottle of malt again, gulping it down.  A trail of the fiery liquid spilled down his chin and he wiped it away with his shirt sleeve.

He gave out a growl and said, “I remember winning this for him at an auction. Two and a half grand I paid for it. Bastard…”

Jimmy drank more from the bottle and slammed it on the table next to his mate’s wife. 

“The only thing is, Sonia, is that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth now. A bitter taste, you know what I mean?”

More sobbing.

“Oh, you can fuckin’ cry, bitch. You’ll cry even more when you watch me put a bullet through your husband's head. Then... then, I’ll drag my whore of a wife over here and put one straight through her cheating face before finishing you off. What do you think about that, eh?”

Jimmy pushed the gun in her face again then trailed it down her neck, between her breasts and down her stomach to the neatly manicured bush between her legs. Her thighs clenched together, a loud sob escaping from behind her gag.

“You know, you’re a fine looking woman, Sonia. I’ll save you for Rob when he gets here. Yeah, wait ‘til the bastard get’s here and fuck you right in front of him. See how he likes it.”

Breathing alcoholic fumes, he licked up the side of her face. With his left hand he brushed the skin of her right shoulder, moving slowly down to her breast.  He groped her and then snatched his hand away, laughing hard.

“So, where are we at, Sonia? Your husband’s fucked me over. He stole all the money from our last job. 120K gone in the blink of an eye and then he fucks my wife behind my back. How do I know, I hear you thinking. The bastard dropped this in my fuckin’ bedroom, that’s how." 
                                                                                       

Jimmy slammed a wrinkled betting slip onto the table.  Sonia’s eyes widened.

“Another one of his bad tips,” Jimmy spat, poking the gun in Sonia’s face. “It must have fallen out of his pocket while he was putting his trousers back on after poking my missus.”

Sonia looked down, shoulders shaking as she started crying again.

“So, now I think you can understand my actions, can’t you?”

Jimmy lowered the gun, grabbed the whisky from the table and took a step away from the crying woman.

Lifting the bottle to his lips, he said, “It won’t be long now though, Sonia. As soon as he gets here I’m gonna end his fuckin’ li…”

The bottle exploded in Jimmy’s hand.  Glass, blood and whisky showered the naked woman sat in front of him.  Blood bubbled out of the hole in Jimmy’s throat.  His arms fell to his sides and he dropped to his knees.  He wobbled for a second before falling backwards, his head cracking as it slammed against the tiled floor.

Footsteps approached and Sonia raised her head slowly, a smile spreading behind the gag.  A gun was placed on the table and the gag was removed from Sonia’s mouth.

“Did he hurt you?”

“No. I… I was afraid something had happened to you though,” Sonia replied as her hands and feet were untied.

“Did he fall for the betting slip?”

Sonia was helped to her feet and sidestepped the body, avoiding the glass on the floor. 

“Yes, he fell for it big time,” she replied. “Are you okay, though?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

Sonia shivered, covering her nakedness with her arms. “Did you do it?"

Jimmy’s wife, Helen, removed her jacket and draped it over her lover’s shoulders, kissing her gently.

“Yes I did it. Rob's dead, Jimmy's dead, and we're a hundred and twenty grand better off." 

 
Bio:

David Barber is from Manchester, England but now lives in Crieff, Scotland with his wife and their two daughters.  His writing has appeared in various web-zines including Thrillers, Killers ‘n’ Chillers, A Twist Of Noir and The New Flesh, to name a few, and on his own website, davidbarberfiction.blogspot.com.  He is the editor of The Flash Fiction Offensive and is currently working on a novel.

56 comments:

  1. Very well paced story with a solid twist ending. Enjoyed this one, David.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The opening paragraph grabbed me by the balls and didn't let go till the end.

    Just as I thought I knew where it was going, you pulled the rug and sent me sprawling. Cool twist ending too, but if they don't flee pronto the cops will be onto them.

    Great to have you back, Dave.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good stuff, David. Loved the way it unfolded and then a double dose of femmes fatales.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nice one, David! Not the ending I was expecting, and lots of tension.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Now that's a proper compuppance and a twist to die for. Jerked the rug right from under me -- which was hard to do because the action already had me on the floor. Cool!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Damn. Nice one. Brutal and effective.

    ReplyDelete
  7. really good, explored so completely you 'know' what's coming and then wham!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Beaut! Cracking twist, Mr B. And , yep, brutal.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Great ending Dave and a solid tight story. Graphic in parts but not at all overdone. Top notch stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Robin Billings28 August 2011 11:17

    Love the twist, but even more, loved the way I was led there! This is strong, strong prose that reeled me right in and had me sitting there in the room with the tied-up Sonia, watching and wondering what the hell was gonna happen.

    ReplyDelete
  11. That bloke was a nasty piece of work, David. And he didn't see the twist coming either. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Loved it, David. Nice twist.

    Dana C. Kabel

    ReplyDelete
  13. Whoa! That was pretty gripping. Nice to see "strong" female characters ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. That was great, man. I didn't see that coming at all.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thanks for all the great comments. I wrote this about 18 months ago and recently enjoyed give it a re-write.

    Glad you all enjoyed it. I had a lot of fun writing it.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Enjoyed this....bit of a waste of whisky though ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Women. Can't trust'em! (grnning)

    A lovely story, sir.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Nice job, David. Fast and brutal. Like everyone else said, though AJ's comment nailed it, great execution of the twist ending. Was not expecting it. Big ups, man.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Brutally tense. Well done, David!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thanks for the great comments, guys ('n' gal.) It's really a boost to a writers confidence. Really appreciate it.

    Cheers!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Good story, David. Love it when women screw men over. Too often its the other way round in fiction.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Excellent story! Gritty and downright dirty, with a wicked twist at the end.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Ooooh! I did NOT expect the lesbian twist!!!! Very well done!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Dave- Great work on this and a real treat to read it on TKnC. This part was not only an awesome transition, but one hell of a piece of writing. Loved it!

    "The bottle exploded in Jimmy’s hand. Glass, blood and whisky showered the naked woman sat in front of him. Blood bubbled out of the hole in Jimmy’s throat. His arms fell to his sides and he dropped to his knees. He wobbled for a second before falling backwards, his head cracking as it slammed against the tiled floor."

    Keep up the tremendous job over at FFO too!!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. and there you have it - fine work dave what a ways you've come.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Dave- Bloody Fantastic edge of the seat stuff. Really got me gripped. Great Job

    ReplyDelete
  27. What a punch in the throat opener. It set up the brutality of the story well. Well paced and just enough details dropped in the right places to move it forward and build the tension.

    I usually figure endings quickly but this one surprised me. Not what I was thinking at all.

    Everything was in the right place at the right time here and that made it a very satisfying read. Slightly out of breath now though, but that's a good thing.

    Don't leave it too long next time.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Holy fuck. I didn't expect this at all. I mean, I expected the actions, but NOT the twist. It's as dark and brutal as it gets. I love it.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I found this story very entertaining. I also liked the swearing.

    ReplyDelete
  30. David - I've always enjoyed your stories, but your growth and confidence in the style and the telling are definitely showing.

    Hell of a story - like something out of "Sin City"

    ReplyDelete
  31. I couldn't bear this. A good single malt like that, wasted. It's a tragedy, I tell you.

    WHY, DAVE, WHY?

    Otherwise, very enjoyable.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Wow, excellent work man. Loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Thanks to everybody for the great comments and for the FB and Twitter links. It really is appreciated. I owe you all a beer.

    Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Hello David,
    Good one. Just can't trust them bitches, can ya, huh? I think Quent. would love this.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Excellent twist, didn't see that coming.

    ReplyDelete
  36. After thirty plus comments I'm not sure what to add but damn good job, amigo. I've really enjoyed watching your skill as a writer sharpen over the last few years. Keep rocking!

    ReplyDelete
  37. This was familiar from first time round - but the switch-up still caught me out! Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  38. It's comments like this that are a real boost to a writer. Thank you for your encouragement. It means so much.

    Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Bloody great job, David! A punch to the gut doesn't do this story justice, its more like a kick in the balls from someone wearing crampons! Nice work.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Great story, Dave - loved the twist!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Great stuff, David, Tough writing and no wasted words and a terrific twist. Glad I caught this.

    Best, Alan

    ReplyDelete
  42. Excellent scene you painted, David. Vivid and shocking. Well done, sir.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Thanks guys. Really appreciate you taking the time to read and leave such encouraging comments.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Well, Dave. What can I say? You've come a very long way, mate, since taking those first tentative steps into the blogosphere. Just wish more people would've commented! :-)
    It's a TKnC record... CONGRATS!!!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Not sure what else I can add, given all these comments - but sure as shit I dug that pair of femme fatales, who came screaming out of nowhere.

    I think it's not an easy task to pull off a twist in such a short space, but you done pulled it off in spades. Great piece.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Col - Thank you for accepting it. It feels good to be published again. I can't believe the response.

    Court - Thanks, buddy. Really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  47. David, you've spent so much time editing over at TFFO we've missed your own talent!

    This was gripping and gutsy; by the time I reached the end I was realised I was grinding my teeth. Great result for the gals.

    Loved it - don't leave it so long next time.
    x

    ReplyDelete
  48. Thanks, Lily. Really appreciate your input.

    It's been a real boost how well it's been received. Editing the mag has helped with my writing, I think, so being away from submitting for a while has worked out well.

    I'll be sending out more.

    Thanks again. x

    ReplyDelete
  49. Playin' with fire here, boy. You get a reader all charged up on violent, erotic fantasies, and then blow him away along with your slime-ball protagonist. Only to play your lesbo-sex trump card at the end. Ha

    ReplyDelete
  50. Great story - nice twist at the end.
    Loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Ron & ttofee - Thanks so much for stopping by. It means a lot. Appreciate your comments.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Missed this while out on the publicity road, but I'm soooo glad I managed to catch it today. Great stuff, with a truly twisted ending.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Just gotten around to reading this and it's fantastic. Love the twisteroo at the end where it's all a lesbian conspiracy.

    ReplyDelete