“You‘re the most beautiful woman I‘ve ever looked at,” Colby who happens to be Jess‘ therapist said as he snuggled closer to her in his warm, vanilla scented bed. It was big enough for a couple of grizzly bears. That’s what Jess loved the most, being snuggled up with a man who she can actually trust, one who already knows of her rape and fears and still thinks she’s amazing.
Jess smiled so big you could see her tonsils. She’d always heard that if the man’s eyes are closed while kissing, that means he’s into you. How Cosmo of me, Jess thought. It wasn’t like her to get wrapped up in a guy. Not after being raped. She just couldn’t let down her guard and trust again. She peeked open her eyes, just enough to see if his were closed.
He began to take things further, holding her even tighter when the most intense feeling of anxiety overwhelmed her. It felt as if a knife went right into her lungs when she realized that Colby was not only her therapist, but he was also her rapist!
She tried to remain calm, hoping that Colby wouldn’t realize that she had figured out who he really was.
“I-I have to go… now!” She said already out of breath, her face displaying a look of disgust.
“Jess I don’t want you to go,” He said firmly as if to say she had no choice. “Just let me explain some things to you. I promise you’ll understand,” he said sincerely.
“I promise I won’t. Colby, I trusted you. Do you have any idea--?”
Colby reached out and pulled her away from the wall, holding her freckled hands gently and said “I won’t hurt you, promise.”
Jess resisted, turned for the stairs and headed straight for the door.
On the drive to her brother’s house a sensation of boulders seemed to form in her stomach.
“My therapist, he’s my rapist!” Jess said, sobbing.
Her brother stood silently on the steps of his porch, the sun beating down so hard that he could feel it deep into his muscles.
“Oh Jess!” He sighed and wrapped her in his arms.
“How blind could I have been? I knew better than to ever trust a man again. I knew better! I knew better!” She yelled while pacing in circles, with her hands in the air.
“It’s not your fault. You were vulnerable you thought he was a good guy. He led you to believe he could make all of your fears go away. Colby is the kind of person who sees your vulnerability as a window to take advantage of you. He’s manipulative, he turns on the good-guy charm to throw you off.”
“How could I not have realized that he was the same man who raped me?” Jess yelled angrily as her brand new metallic pink I pod went barreling off the porch.
“Why’d you do that for, sis?” Jamie yelled looking as confused as someone trying their luck at a 9000 piece jigsaw puzzle.
“It was a gift from Colby. I never want to see that stupid I pod for as long as I live!”
She sat down in the blue hand-me-down-rocking chair from grandma Ruby when she saw a white SUV creeping down the long dirt driveway.
“Oh sugar! That is Colby coming down the driveway.”
“Stay calm, I’ll handle this. We’ll see what he’s doing here and I’ll send him on his way, just say the word,” he said, the sweat sparkling on his forehead in the sunlight.
“Let me explain to you! Jess, if you will let me explain, it could change your life forever, if you only knew the truth,” Colby said, slowly approaching her.
Her rush toward the house slowed as she turned to see him standing at the bottom of the porch steps, tears welling up in his eyes.
“She grew silent waiting to hear his excuses. “Stop it right there! Don’t come any closer to me, don’t you do it!” She yelled, holding her hand up at him.
He stopped in his tracks and said “To you I’m just a rapist with no heart and no respect for women. Jess, I know that because I was hurt too. I-I was raped too.”
“So you get revenge by raping an innocent girl, Colby? Oh, now I understand, why didn’t you just say so,” She spouted sarcastically.
“No. Jess, I was raped for years. I was raped sometimes more than once a day one day it just wasn’t enough anymore. The man who was raping me wanted more. He’s a nasty man, Jess and I hate myself every day for what I’ve done to you. If I didn’t agree to do that to you, he threatened to kill me. Now that I’ve gotten the chance to love you, I wish I would’ve just let him kill me. You didn’t deserve it. I didn‘t think I deserved it either until I did the same thing to you.”
Jess stood silently in shock, mostly because in some strange way she felt sorry for him. She didn’t see him as the monster who raped her. She saw him as a person no different from herself, someone who shared the same pain she did, if not more.
“I am so sorry,” she said crying as she stumbled off of the steps to Colby. She wrapped her arms around his stout body and everything went silent.